Jenny McCarthy Takes Summer Hiatus from Blogging ... LOL!!!

I have spent my morning rifling through various bathroom cabinets trying to find some leftover vicodin from a previous surgery. Why? Because if you think I'm watching "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" tonight without pain meds, you're nuttier than Kate's hair.  

And because my Mondays aren't brutal enough, what with the knowledge in several hours I'll be spending my evening with eight children after I put my own to bed, I checked in on Jenny McCarthy's blog at Oprah.com. I, for one, am comforted that the woman pictured above is Oprah's resident go-to health expert now that Dr. Oz is getting his own show. I was never a big Dr. Oz fan, but I appreciated the fact that he, in fact, HAS A MEDICAL DEGREE.

Regarding Jenny's Oprah-sponsored blog, the good news is the last entry on her (embarrassing) series about giving up sugar was yesterday. The bad news is she threatens to be back with more of her wisdom after the summer. LOL!!!!!!! If laughter, even the virtual kind, is the key to happiness and longevity, Jenny McCarthy will be torturing all of us and future generations until she drops dead in a blissful state at age 250. In this post alone, where she suggests if you detox and take your vitamins you are more likely to survive a nuclear attack, she LOLs three times. Please tell me who really wrote her books? The woman is unfamiliar with basic grammatical rules, including how to form a contraction.  You stick an apostrophe in there, sweetheart. Other helpful things we learn from Jenny's blog:

• Jenny thinks the Star Trek movie rocked!!!!  And she thinks "Spock" is spelled "Spok." (Opes people: Might you consider assigning Jenny an editor like the nice folks at Penguin Books did?)
• Jenny is currently PMSing. Which is maybe why she's worried about "the big bad cloud," Jenny's euphemism for a nuclear fallout.  What some people call "PMS" others (read here mental health professionals) might call "paranoid schizophrenia."
• Jenny has humble roots and used to work at an ice cream shop as a teenage. See??? She's just one of us!  And then she gives us her entire day's menu... No, you're not one of us. Most humans -- barring severe allergies -- eat FOOD, not "gluten-free, yeast-free, casein-free, sugar-free bread." Whatever that is.
• Jenny is fascinated by fecal matter, her own and others.

I'm going to do the opposite of whatever Jenny McCarthy tells me to do. So I'm going to have a big bowl full of straight sugar and some decidedly gluten-filled bread for dinner as I watch Jon and Kate ruin their children's lives this evening.  And the first person who can tell me what casein is in layman's terms wins a loaf of Wonder White Bread that I will ship directly to your house.  No joke. A free loaf of bread, people!  LOL!!!

So let's end with a particulary inspiring Jenny McCarthy quote: "So basically, I don't know what I'm talking about. But maybe I do."  Well, if that's good enough for Opes, it's good enough for me.

PS -- Check out the sixth quote down on the previous link too, just to see HOW WACKY Jenny thinks she is. Because nothing screams "funny girl!" like bodily function humor...