No Joy in Maxville

So I had a feeling it wouldn't be the worst three dances on the chopping block last night. And we found out when the first three couples came out to hear their fate, as Jason and Caitlin stood side by side with Phillip and Jeanine, waiting to hear which couple was in bottom three. Phillip gets away with Tango murder which is fine by me, because this competition will sink even further into the murk if we keep losing non-contemporary dancers.

Kupono and Ashley join Jason and Caitlin in bottom three, all guilty of butchering Shane Spark's routines and if I were Shane I would cut one of them in the parking lot just to send a message that you don't eff with his genius. But that's me. I'm a doer. The final couple is Max and Kayla, which makes Kayla's face pinch up in an "um, people, it's me, Kayla. I'm not supposed to be in bottom 8, much less bottom three" expression while Max looks like he keeps hearing "Dead man, dancing" over and over in his head as Kitty Cat gives the results.

So the dancers dance for their lives and Ashley mails her dance in. Memo to dancers: when you only have 30 seconds to dance, don't waste time preening. I'm already dreading Max's dance as he is not really suited to solo dancing but he does really well. For a dead man, he certainly moves his feet.

The girls are up first and we know Kayla ain't going anywhere. Ashley is sent packing, which sucks because she at least didn't blow her routine the night before unlike Caitlin, but she didn't produce in the clutch. We are then reminded that she is the one who auditioned four different seasons before making it, a fact we learned in Vegas and then never told again. What the hell! I want a recount. That's an underdog story that the people at home should have taken into account. Granted, it's slightly less compelling than Vitolio's orphan story but a million times more interesting than Randi talking to her dog/husband every day on the phone.

Now I'm bummed, but at least Kupono will go home and that will be that. I know I said Max was a goner if he ever had to dance for his life but he made me a believer and since Kupono stunk up the joint the night before (Lil C said Ashley did well but since she was supposed to be mirroring Kupono who couldn't keep up, there wasn't much she could do.) So if Ashley gets the boot, he should surely go also, especially after Max brought it. But NO! Jason is safe and then Kupono gets to stay as Max stands there, debating who he will take out first: Nigel, Kupono, or America for this travesty. And he's right. Such bullshit! He had two solid weeks (granted Kayla was a big reason why) but Kupono gets the save. I can't even take solace in my prediction that Max was going the first time possible. Thanks for ruining that moment for me. So ... Dance, you guys really screwed the pooch on this one and don't think I'll forget it so easily. You are all on my shit list! (Not you Kitty Cat, never you!) See you next week.