So ... Bored

Let’s get right to the dancing but can you believe in less than two months So … Dance season 5 will be over and season 6 won’t begin for another whole month! What will we do!

Karla and Jonathan:

These two get a hip-hop routine and it’s official. Call off the search! We have found the whitest man in America. Ladies and gentlemen: JONATHAN. How bad was Jonathan? On a whim, I looked up “cheesedick” in the dictionary yesterday morning. No entry. I look it up again today; there is a picture of Jonathan. And this was an actual dictionary I keep in my house. True story!

Nigel rips into them pretty good (about time we have criticism and not just waxing poetic on how great So…Dance is and how it has made dance so much better and how the choreographers are awesome and we should commend them blah, blah, blah. Hey, it’s not like Shane was the choreographer.) Mary tells us she is in touch with her inner gangster – NOT REALLY! Then also puts them down. Even Toni Basil, who definitely has had no work done, okay maybe a little, um, okay maybe some, okay … gives them bad reviews. I looked up Toni Basil on the interweb – She’s 66 years old. Maybe I should cut her a break since she looks so much better than Mia Michaels (which isn’t difficult, but at 66, still an accomplishment.)

Vitolio and Asuka:

Jazz, Mandy Moore, Tears, Oh My! – Vitolio comforts Asuka, who is having trouble with the steps. I’m sorry, but I like the guy. He’s like a rock. Unfortunately, I still think Asuka was not good but Nigel LOVES it! Then Mary, who keeps flashing her armpits which were not made for HD, gives criticism. What the hell is going on! Has our universe turned inside out. Doesn’t Mary usually just scream? She critiques even after Nigel’s love fest. I think we could be in for a very special night – NOT REALLY!

Ade and Melissa:

Crazy eyes and Pick rumba it up, and earn high marks. Who knew that Ade and his pick would be one of the ones to beat? This guy! Although, really, I was searching for anything promising in this batch of contestants and everyone knows I am a sucker for a guy with a pick in his hair.

Jeanette and Brandon:

Another hip hop routine, but with a twist. Brandon is hip-hop, Jeanette is rock n’ roll. I guess rock n’ roll means constantly opening your mouth in a weird sneer, because that is what Jeanette does the whole dance. But Brandon kicks ass and that always makes me happy, just because I know it makes Mia roll over in her grave every time he gets praise. (Note: I know she is not technically dead but I’m pretty sure she sleeps in the ground and feeds off unlucky vermin that crawl too close to her lair.)

Kayla and Kupono:

Viennese Waltz. Kayla gets a new partner she can try to carry for awhile, but alas Kupono is not long for this competition. I have a feeling Kayla is the So … Dance equivalent of Dirty Harry, as her partners will keep getting eliminated as she moves on, destroying each dance that comes along. Destroying in a good way.

Randi and Evan:

They do a dance choreographed by the one, the only … Mia Michaels. Oh, joy. It’s basic and the pair performs it well. Whatever. I’m nervous that Randi and Evan are becoming front-runners because that tells you how boring this season is. Those two should be the scrappy underdogs who people hope stay around. Also, Nigel loves the dance for its simplicity, which he has to say or else Mia Michaels will eat him. Then they flash to Mia in audience, but is that even her? It may very well be John Denver. Which is when Nigel should have given another speech about how wonderful So… Dance has become, it’s even bringing celebrities back from the dead. All that being said, I will give props to Randi and Evan. They may not be my type (cool and down to earth black guy dancers, attractive female dancers, or hip hop dancers) but they were good. I feel a little dirty writing that.

Jason and Caitlin:

Here comes the Paso Doble and it was pretty uninspiring, which was how the judges responded. Although, Toni now looks as if she broke into Paula’s personal stash, as she seems more and more dazed. To be fair, she is 66 and two hours is a long time to stay focused on a bunch of dancers not named Twitch.

Jeanine and Phillip:

The last hope of the hip-hop dancers, Phillip, has to do Broadway, choreographed by Tice Diorio (or Tasty Oreo, as was pointed out in a comment on an earlier post. That may actually be the best part of the routine, thinking about eating tasty oreos, or cold stone creamery which is what I am eating which can contain oreos although mine doesn’t but I slightly digress.) Unfortunately, he is not great. I’m guessing Nigel will drag him into the top ten dancers so he can go on tour.

Bottom three: Karla and Jonathan, Jason and Caitlin, Jeanine and Phillip. Good chance Phillip still gets the votes and Kayla and her next eliminated partner, Kupono fall into bottom 3 Actually, I could also see Vitolio and Asuka down there, unless America is warmed by Vitolio’s big heart. Look at me, I have five couples out of eight in the bottom 3. What a good prediction! I also predict Cat Deeley will be hosting tonight. I know, my psychic powers are eerie.

Jonathan and Karla are goners although I like Karla, so maybe Caitlin, or perhaps Jeanette. Yes, I didn’t predict her in the bottom three, but really, aren’t most of these girls interchangeable. I bet no one will even notice if she goes home or Jeanine. Uh-oh, am I saying Randi is one of the most memorable girls. What the hell is going on! See what happens as we whittle away the most boring group of dancers ever. Everything is out of sync.Up is down, left is right, Mia is Andy Warhol. Suddenly So … Dance has gotten a whole lot craaaaaaaaazzzzzzier!