Down with Dorky Little White Dudes

One week before the finals and my dreams of Ade and Brandon making it are still alive. Can you believe it’s been two months since a young man and his pick took the stage for the first time? And I have been championing him ever since. Yes, Brandon is winning this thing, but when nobody knew who Ade was, I had the courage to stand up and say “That guy with the pick is going places.” And now one dorky little white dude stands in his way! But I am confident the judges will sway the voters to get me what I want. Especially when I see Lil C, because we all know Lil C will see right through Lil Whitey! And, I did say early on if Evan wins, I’ll eat my hat. And we don’t want that!

Guys group dance –

Sonya choreographed and it was a cool dance, but Ade and Brandon stole it from Evan. True, I may be biased towards dorky dudes, but that’s my right as an American. That’s why we fought for our freedom, so I could pick on the Evan’s of the world. Please stop judging me! It’s not my fault it’s how I was raised. My grandma hated dorky dudes. She would sometimes embarrass me in restaurants when the waiter would take our order. “Ugh, I am not going to be served by that dorky dude. He’s just so … dorky!”, she would exclaim while I tried to hush her. And now look at me. I have become her! Although, to be fair, Evan is dorky AND annoying.

Luckily, Lil C talked up Brandon and Ade, expressing how dominant they are (all part of the plan) but then gave Lil Whitey kudos for keeping up. Um, why does it seem like Evan gets critiqued like he’s four years old playing with the big kids? And all those “you are so special” and “you are doing super duper for who you are” need to translate to non-votes. But after one dance, I ain’t worried. Brandon and Ade in the lead for the finals.

Jeanine and Ade –

They get paired up and get a Samba and I immediately say, out loud, “Uh-oh, Ade dances too high in these routines. This is not good.” Um, I think it’s official. I need help. And fast. So what happens … Ade dances TOO high and gets torn apart by the judges, Mary especially. She wouldn’t shut up about it. Stupid Mary! Ade is suddenly in serious trouble. Especially because …

Melissa and Evan-

get a Broadway routine by Tice. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! How is Evan getting a Broadway routine a week before the finale? That's his specialty, the only thing he can knock out of the park. During the rehearsals he talks about how in the routine he’s marrying Melissa, but she’s already married in REAL life. Hahahahahahahahahaha. Oh, the irony. Wait, she’s married, but in the dance you’re marrying her? How could this be? Is this possible? Stupid little dorky dude!

Lil puts down Evan, saying he was excited for the dance but expected more. It’s official! Lil C has got Ade’s back and maybe we are back on track. (By the way, that’s not me trying to rap. It just happened. Because I got skillz!) But then Mary opens her big mouth and says “Get me to the church on time, more like get me to the finale on time!” It’s official! Mary is the anti-christ, and now she is pushing her Evan propaganda on us. I’m starting to get sick to my stomach, and not because the cops are banging on my door after I continuously screamed "No" over and over again until the neighbors got pissed.

Kayla and Brandon-

Do an awesome dance. Does it matter? Brandon is going through. I’m not worried about him. Mr. Pick, Ade, the guy nobody knew, is in trouble and I can’t concentrate. These two are the best dancers in the bunch and they are dancing together. No brainer. I did like that the choreographer is from the Canadien version of So … Dance, although they call it So You Think You Can Dance, eh?

Quick side note, the more I see Brandon, the more I realize why I like him. It’s because we pretty much have the same body type. Okay, it’s not totally the same - I AM a little taller.

Jeanine and Ade –

Hip hop by the un-hippest choreographers ever, Nappy Tabs. The dance is about getting evicted and having to move out! Those two. I can’t wait for their hip-hop routine next week. It’s all about the hardships the kids these days face when they take the SATs. Not to give any spoilers but a number 2 pencil does break.

Lil C gives the dancers high praise, but Mary gives praise only after re-living the Samba. Mary, stop screwing over Ade! She does say the dance spoke to everybody because “How many people here have gotten evicted?” Um, are evictions on the rise? What the hell is she talking about? I’m guessing three people in the audience have been evicted, since most are pre-teen girls.

Melissa and Evan –

Quick- step (awesome, all part of the plan!). Lil C gives Evan tough love and picks on his retractions (Really? Fantastic! Lil C is pulling out all the stops, although he could have been nicer to Ade during the Samba, even in if it did suck.) Mary blah, blah blah, and then Nigel says these two were the favorites but now it’s up in the air. They were never my favorites, Nigel!

Brandon and Kayla –

Disco, kick-ass, can we just put them through to the next round? What we did learn during the critique is that Mary’s spray tan doesn’t hit her armpits, which is an unsettling image on television. Plus, as she waves her arms around, all I could think about was raw turkey, which is actually kind of sexy!

Girl Group Dance –

They are all fine. I hope Kayla and Jeanine make the finals but I won’t be too annoyed if Melissa takes their slot. Unless it’s Kayla’s slot and then I will be annoyed. And Jeanine’s because she has been the underdog that rose up, unlike Evan, who nobody likes except for the millions of people voting for him.

So now we wait. And hope. And pray. Because if Evan makes it through, I am only three dancers away from having to eat my hat! Which was not part of the plan.