Shock the World ... (or at least me)

So I settled in for the obvious results, thumb in constant contact with the FF button, so I could get through all the fluff and reminder of stuff we saw just last night. (Cat, y’know I love you, but I sometimes have to fast-forward even when you are talking. Don’t hate the player!) I was so confident Caitlin and Jason/Kupono was getting the axe, I really had the let’s hurry up and get on with it. Even when Kupono escaped the bottom three, I didn’t break a sweat. I felt bad for Jason, because now his fate was sealed. No chance to have Kupono dance for his life by slowly swaying back and forth as he mouthed the words to a Sinead O’Conner ballad.

Nigel then explained that the judges already know who is going home before the dance for life and they take the dancer’s entire body of work into account, not just the dance for life, but the dance can sway their opinion. Perhaps the Haitian Orphans of America had sent a threatening letter and he felt the need to explain himself for last week’s travesty. Except Kupono was so bad in his dance and if you go back, he and Vitolio were really neck and neck all season, so no amount of explanation can undo that wrong. Anyway, really blah-blah-blah, as it didn’t matter, unless Ade or Phillip pooped on stage, there was no way they weren’t going on tour.

Dance for life happens and Jason does bring it, as does Phillip. But Ade blows everyone out of the water. I love that guy. Like love him love him. Have I mentioned that he wears a pick in his hair? The girls are all fine and it’s time for the results. Caitlin is quickly cut and then the guys are up. Phillip is first to get called and Nigel tells him IT’S OVER! WTF! There is no possible way that they just cut Phillip, one of the main attractions for the tour. So … Dance, you did it. You tricked me – Um, wait, what’s Nigel saying? He “talked” to the producers and they are “letting” them bring all twelve dancers on tour.

How convenient. I knew there was no way they wouldn’t let Phillip go on tour. I also love that Nigel talked with the producers and they let that happen. Hey Nigel, you’re the executive producer. Who’s saying no to you? Did you look in the mirror and ask yourself if you could bring twelve dancers on the tour, give a big smile, a thumbs up, and say “Whatever Nigel wants, Nigel gets!”? So basically, So...Dance gets to have their cake and eat it too, as Phillip was not strong enough to continue but was a needed presence on tour. Which begs the question: What does have your cake and eat it too really mean? Isn’t the whole point of having cake to eat it? I’m so confused. By the way, kudos to Cat for keeping us all in the dark and building suspense. Ryan Seacrest could never do that (unless we’re talking about his sexuality, then he’s the king or duke or prince or queen of keeping us in the dark! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha)

How about Phillip’s speech at the end? He’s like the modern day Lou Gehrig, if Lou Gehrig was a dancer on a reality show and not dying of a disease. I guess the bonus in all this is now there are two guys in the final five that I am rooting against, although Jason did have a great solo. So going forward, here are my unofficial rankings:

Guys:

1. Brandon
2. Ade Brandon and Ade are the poor man’s Joshua and Twitch, although Brandon is the most talented. I just loved Twitch and Joshua but I have promised to forget last season
3. Evan Likeable, but starting to fade
4. Jason Can be impressive, but the writing is on the wall.
5. Kupono He’ll always be the guy that took Vitolio’s spot, and I am not capable of forgiveness (even though Vitolio probably wouldn’t get to go on tour even if he won the whole thing)

Girls:

1. Jeanine
2. Janette We had to weed out all the brunettes, to get to the best two (not that I see hair color)
3. Kayla Still could be the best but I think the little girls don’t like her
4. Melissa She still seems crazy, but I do love how she was firmly pressed against Ade while waiting for results. I have a feeling that her husband went home, cried into his pillow, and then had sex with her sister to get back at Melissa. Oh, and remember that her sister is married to his brother. I guess he will have his cake and eat his brother’s too. Did I mention crazy?
5. Randi I can’t do it. I can’t get on board.

See ya next week, suckers.