Six Important Questions

Who - seriously thought Katie Holmes dance routine was wonderful when it was being taped? Word on the street had been that she killed it. After all that press coverage about Katie's cameo on the upcoming episode and we were subjected to that? If you can watch a dance routine and surmise that it would take an hour of training to be on the same level as the person doing the dance, that's not considered exceptional or killer or boss, or awesome or fantastic. It's more likely classified as a bad talent show performance.

What - happened to Katie Holmes, anyway? I know the whole Tom Cruise thing but things have been amiss for awhile. She started as a cute girl next door on Dawson's Creek but slowly began to morph, and grow and grow and grow like she was popping Jack's magic beanstalk seeds. Then she developed the stroke acting technique, which basically consists of acting with only one side of your mouth. See Batman Begins, where it was on full display. I remember I spent the whole movie wondering when the paramedics would show up to treat Katie's character. Now she has morphed into this little girlish, tall, gangly mommy type person. Not a woman, not a girl, just something. My favorite part was the interview before the dance when she said simply "I've always liked to sing and dance." Good for you, Katie, good for you!

Where - was Twitch on the 100th episode? Was he there? Did I miss him? The guy was integral to season 3 and 4! Why not have him and Joshua do that Russian dance from last season instead of Katie stumbling around the stage like a newborn colt? Yes, this crop of dancers has grown on me (Brandon and Ade, I'm talking about you) but when there is an opportunity for some Twitch action, So ... Dance you have to act on it. Even a solo. Anything that can erase the Katie Holmes memory from my brain.

When - is my therapist going to call me back. I'm a little worried that I have become too involved with everything So ... Dance. More importantly, is it appropriate to talk to Kitty Cat continuously through the show, thinking she may be able to hear me? Or is that something else I need to discuss with a professional?

Why - is the possibility of Evan in the finale even alive? Janette was his partner and she got the boot and she has been ten times better than him this whole competition. Melissa really should have gone, but she was saved by Tearfest 2009, which is okay by me because it also saved Ade.

How - was Evan not even in the bottom two? Who's voting for this guy? Do you realize Evan has never been in the bottom two? Is that the new thing - dorky little white dudes with droopy eye-lids who awkwardly try to joke around with their fellow dancers? Now I know I didn't vote, but I expect my fellow Americans (teeny bopper girls) to get this right and right now they are failing me. Brandon is the best dancer on the show (no offense Ade, you still my boy) and he was in the bottom two instead of Evan. America, don't make me angry! You won't like me when I'm angry!

Next week is the last one before the finale, or should I say the last chance to rid us of Evan once and for all. I expect the judges to do the right thing and go gunning for him, perhaps maybe give him a couple of waltzes. Hey Evan, don't get any grand ideas. Just because Kriiiiiiis Allen won AI, doesn't mean you should win So ... Dance. Because last time I checked, it ain't White Boy day! (Or is it? I always forget when White boy Day is? They should make it a specific day instead of moving it all around the calendar. Way too confusing.)

Let's get it on ... next week!