But this week is a different story because it would appear that the designer's claws are finally coming out. Apparently the producers realized that this new season was the TV equivalent of dropping 3 Ambien with a NyQuil chaser, so they've told the designers to just throw out their medication and start flying their bitch flags already. Thank God.
The funky bunch starts their day with little bitchy quips about each other, but they're soon distracted by a field trip with Tim to the Los Angeles Times where they're given this week's challenge: design a garment using newspapers as fabric. Of course, if you live under a freeway overpass, this is not exactly an innovative concept, but let's just play along.
We know right off the bat that this is going to be Naughty Nicolas' show because the camera is on him constantly. (We're not tricked by this stuff anymore, reality show producers.) But isn't this just a face only a (completely wasted) mother could love?
Next,Tim comes in to make his rounds and sees Crystal Meth Johnny's rather strange newspaper dress. "I'm woeful Johnny," Tim says to him with concern. "This is like a craft project gone awry. It looks like a bunch of kindergartners did it." Which of course is an insult to kindergartners everywhere because at least 5-year-olds know how to make a proper hemline.
After Tim leaves, Johnny freaks out, rips up his dress, and begins to make a new one. Only here's the thing: he PRETENDS that his original dress was destroyed by a faulty steamer, a lie that sends Nicolas into a complete, gossipy tizzy. Johnny counters by snarking that Nicolas' dress looks like "dinosaur chic" and by this point, I can't decide if they're going to fight or make-out with each other under a sewing machine table. (I also can't decide which of those options would make me throw up my dinner more violently.)
We finally make it to the runway where today's judges are some editor from Marie Claire, Tommy Hilfiger, aka "the guy who likes to put his name on culottes," and Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria Parker. Like I said before, where's Kors this year? Band camp?
The models do their stuff, then the judging begins with Irina winning for a cool, newspaper trench coat that I'm sure will be a huge hit with the people who live in shopping carts:
Then Johnny's asked about his ugly dress and he pulls out his faulty steamer story again. Only this time, Nicolas completely throws him under a bus by telling the judges that Johnny's lying. To which Johnny oh-so-elegantly replies, "Jerk." Ah, young love!
Finally it comes down to decision time: Crytal Meth Johhny or Naughty Nicolas? Who is the biggest loosah? Dum, dum, dum....it's Johnny! After he packs his bag and goes, telling the camera that "giving up addiction wasn't as hard as doing this show," Tim finds himself so upset by everything that he breaks decorum and tells the rest of the designers, "I'm incredulous of the utterly preposterous spewing of fiction that Johnny did on the runway."
In other words, "Bitch, please."
8 comments:
Delicious recap, I may just read your recaps before watching a show.
Johnny cracked me up when he compared his ruined dress to Dior. Even Tim Gunn, the nicest man in the entire world, was gossiping about Johnny's spitty steamer lie. Good stuff Bravo. Or Lifetime. (Note to Bravo and Lifetime: we all just watch it on tivo and fast forward thru the commercials anyway. Was it worth it? Really?)
Also, why does Heidi call it "Mary Claire"? Have I been saying it wrong all these years? Or should I not take pronunciation lessons from a woman who kicks losing contestants off the stage by saying "Happy Squid Day"
I was over Nicolas by the time they finished his introduction in the first episode. Can't wait for him to go. But he did up the interest in the episode by a small amount. So, there's that.
Glad to see them returning to the non-fabric challenges. Hope there are more to come soon!
This season bites! Nicholas is a hag and the women are fab. I say they thin the herd of anyone packing a three piece kit and let the ladies slug it out frock for frock!
Poor Tim was so verklepmt by the whole thing. He didn't even do his usual hug good-bye with Johnny - just booted him out the door to clean up his workspace. As much as Johnny irritated me, I really wanted Nicholas to get tossed because he was just so smug and superior and turned out such an awful piece of blech.
Thank God for your snarky recaps because I agree, the show itself is a remarkably huge snoozefest. And I'm over all the "celebrity" guest judges - Lindsay Lohan? Her appearance on the show was almost as inanely purposeless as Lauren Conrad's on ANTM.
I was wondering why Johnny made up that story when the whole thing would be on camera... Sounds like his addict lying skills were put to good use on that show (as well as his addict poor judgement). At any rate, it was a very sad display of flailing.
But seriously - if you want bitching and snarking you have to watch the models. They even throw in high school clique behavior for good measure. And they may as well be a bunch of 15 year olds for the direction their inside jokes take ("the dream team?" they make me cringe). I may have to stop watching that though after seeing one of the models sobbing in the bathroom after her best friend (Johnny's model) got cut. It's more like a spin off of The Real World than an extension of Project Runway. What would Heidi say?
Aw, darn, I missed that episode. Not so sure I care. She was pretty annoying. And boring.
I did love Irina's trench coat. Glad Crystal Meth Johnny is gone (and their making out would be worse because neither of them are hot) and think even more highly of Tim Gunn for saying "bitch, please" in such a classy way!
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